Klytus
04-07-2003, 04:48 AM
Axis of Evil Wannabees
by John Cleese
Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axisof Evil", Libya, China, and Syria today announced thatthey had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil," which theysaid would be more evil than that stupidIran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of inhis State of the Union address.Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissedthe new Axis as having, for starters, a really dumbname. "Right. They are just as evil . . . in theirdreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il."Everybody knows we're the best evils . . . best atbeing evil . . . we're the best."Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous overbeing excluded, although they conceded they did ask ifthey could join the Axis of Evil."They told us it wasfull," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad. "An axiscan't have more than three countries," explained IraqiPresident Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it'stradition. In World War II you had Germany, Italy,and Japan in the evil Axis. So, you can only havethree, and a secret handshake. Ours is wickedly cool."International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evileclaration was swift, as within minutes, Francesurrendered. Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushedto gain triumvirate status in what has become a gameof geopolitical chairs.Cuba, Sudan and Serbia announced that they had formedthe "Axis ofSomewhat Evil," forcing Somalia to joinwith Uganda and Myanmar in the "Axis of OccasionallyEvil," while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russiaestablished the "Axis of Not So Much Evil Really asJust Generally Disagreeable."With the criteria suddenly expanded and all thedesirable clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador,and Rwanda applied to be called the "Axis of CountriesThat Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host the Olympics". Canada, Mexico and Australiaformed the "Axis of Nations That Are Actually QuiteNice But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts AboutAmerica(!)," while Scotland, New Zealand and Spainestablished the"Axis of Countries That Want Sheep to Wear Lipstick.""That's not a threat, really, just something we liketo do," said Scottish Executive First Minister JackMcConnell.While wondering if the other nations of the worldweren't perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bushgranted approval for most axis, although he rejectedthe establishment of the "Axis of Countries WhoseNames End in 'Guay," accusing one of its members offiling a false application. Officials from Paraguay,Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges. Israel,meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any Axis,but privately world leaders said that's only becauseno one asked them
by John Cleese
Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axisof Evil", Libya, China, and Syria today announced thatthey had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil," which theysaid would be more evil than that stupidIran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of inhis State of the Union address.Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissedthe new Axis as having, for starters, a really dumbname. "Right. They are just as evil . . . in theirdreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il."Everybody knows we're the best evils . . . best atbeing evil . . . we're the best."Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous overbeing excluded, although they conceded they did ask ifthey could join the Axis of Evil."They told us it wasfull," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad. "An axiscan't have more than three countries," explained IraqiPresident Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it'stradition. In World War II you had Germany, Italy,and Japan in the evil Axis. So, you can only havethree, and a secret handshake. Ours is wickedly cool."International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evileclaration was swift, as within minutes, Francesurrendered. Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushedto gain triumvirate status in what has become a gameof geopolitical chairs.Cuba, Sudan and Serbia announced that they had formedthe "Axis ofSomewhat Evil," forcing Somalia to joinwith Uganda and Myanmar in the "Axis of OccasionallyEvil," while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russiaestablished the "Axis of Not So Much Evil Really asJust Generally Disagreeable."With the criteria suddenly expanded and all thedesirable clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador,and Rwanda applied to be called the "Axis of CountriesThat Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host the Olympics". Canada, Mexico and Australiaformed the "Axis of Nations That Are Actually QuiteNice But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts AboutAmerica(!)," while Scotland, New Zealand and Spainestablished the"Axis of Countries That Want Sheep to Wear Lipstick.""That's not a threat, really, just something we liketo do," said Scottish Executive First Minister JackMcConnell.While wondering if the other nations of the worldweren't perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bushgranted approval for most axis, although he rejectedthe establishment of the "Axis of Countries WhoseNames End in 'Guay," accusing one of its members offiling a false application. Officials from Paraguay,Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges. Israel,meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any Axis,but privately world leaders said that's only becauseno one asked them