Janari
12-08-2002, 11:44 AM
December 5th Moved to Michigan with the Wife
December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season
and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window
watching thehuge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a
Grandma Moses
Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow
covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there
be a more
lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever
had.
Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did
both ourdriveway and
the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the
sidewalks
and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect
life.
December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment.
My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white
Christmas. No
snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the
end of winter,
that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible.
Bob is such a nice man.
I'm glad he's our neighbor.
December 14: Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to
-20. The cold
makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed
up by shoveling
the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back
this afternoon and
buried everything again. I didn't realizeI would have to do quite this
much shoveling, but I'll
certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.
December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.
Bought snow tires
for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife
wants a wood stove
in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in
Alaska, after all.
December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the
driveway putting
down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think
was very cruel.
December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
Electricity was
off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to
do but stare at the wife
and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but
won't admit it to her.
God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in
my own living room.
December 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn
stufflast night.
More shoveling. Took all day. Goddamn snowplow came by twice. Tried to
find a
neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey.
I think they're
lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow
blower and
they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying.
Bob says I
have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's
lying.
December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches
of the
white shit fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till
August. Took me 45
minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss.
By the time
I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel.
Tried to hire Bob
who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's
too busy.
I think the asshole is lying.
December 23: Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted
me to
decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she...nuts??? Why
didn't she tell
me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's damn well
lying.
December 24: 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel.
Thought I
was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives
that snowplow,
I'll drag him through the snow by his @#$. I know he hides around the
corner and
waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a
100 miles an
hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife
wanted me to
sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy
watching for the
damn snowplow.
December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the !=3D@x@!x!x1 slop
tonight.
Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I hate the
snow! Then
the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the
head with
my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot.
If I have to watch
"It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to kill her.
December 26: Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was
all HER idea.
She's really getting on my nerves.
December 27: Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.
December 28: Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. THE @!#@ is driving
me crazy!!!
December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could
cave in.
That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
December 30: Roof caved in. The snowplow driver is suing me for a million
dollars for
the bump on his head. The wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted.
December 31: Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
January 8: I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep
giving me.
Why am I tied to the bed?
December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season
and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window
watching thehuge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a
Grandma Moses
Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow
covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there
be a more
lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever
had.
Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did
both ourdriveway and
the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the
sidewalks
and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect
life.
December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment.
My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white
Christmas. No
snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the
end of winter,
that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible.
Bob is such a nice man.
I'm glad he's our neighbor.
December 14: Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to
-20. The cold
makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed
up by shoveling
the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back
this afternoon and
buried everything again. I didn't realizeI would have to do quite this
much shoveling, but I'll
certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.
December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.
Bought snow tires
for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife
wants a wood stove
in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in
Alaska, after all.
December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the
driveway putting
down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think
was very cruel.
December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
Electricity was
off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to
do but stare at the wife
and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but
won't admit it to her.
God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in
my own living room.
December 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn
stufflast night.
More shoveling. Took all day. Goddamn snowplow came by twice. Tried to
find a
neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey.
I think they're
lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow
blower and
they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying.
Bob says I
have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's
lying.
December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches
of the
white shit fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till
August. Took me 45
minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss.
By the time
I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel.
Tried to hire Bob
who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's
too busy.
I think the asshole is lying.
December 23: Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted
me to
decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she...nuts??? Why
didn't she tell
me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's damn well
lying.
December 24: 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel.
Thought I
was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives
that snowplow,
I'll drag him through the snow by his @#$. I know he hides around the
corner and
waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a
100 miles an
hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife
wanted me to
sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy
watching for the
damn snowplow.
December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the !=3D@x@!x!x1 slop
tonight.
Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I hate the
snow! Then
the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the
head with
my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot.
If I have to watch
"It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to kill her.
December 26: Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was
all HER idea.
She's really getting on my nerves.
December 27: Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.
December 28: Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. THE @!#@ is driving
me crazy!!!
December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could
cave in.
That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
December 30: Roof caved in. The snowplow driver is suing me for a million
dollars for
the bump on his head. The wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted.
December 31: Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
January 8: I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep
giving me.
Why am I tied to the bed?