Kalthanan
12-11-2002, 04:41 PM
The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. The following were some recent winning entries:
> 1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
>
> 2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
>
> 3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
>
> 4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
>
> 5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent
>
> 6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly
>
> answer the door in your nightie.
>
> 7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
>
> 8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash.
>
> 9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are
>
> run over by a steamroller.
>
> 10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
>
> 11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
>
> 12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a
>
> proctologist immediately before he examines you
>
> 13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish
>
> expressions.
>
> 14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
>
> 15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes
>
> up on the roof and gets stuck there.
>
> 16. Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.
>
>
>
> The Post also invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter
>
> it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new
>
> definition. Here are some of those winners:
>
> 1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
>
> realize it was your money to start with.
>
> 2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
>
> 3. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
>
> getting laid (e.g.: "I'm a doctor...")
>
> 4. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
>
> 5. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person
>
> who doesn't get it.
>
> 6. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
>
> 7. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
>
> 8. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (this one got extra credit)
>
> 9. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really
>
> bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a
>
> serious bummer.
>
> 10. Glibido: All talk and no action.
>
> 11. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they
>
> come at you rapidly
>
> 12. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
> 1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
>
> 2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
>
> 3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
>
> 4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
>
> 5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent
>
> 6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly
>
> answer the door in your nightie.
>
> 7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
>
> 8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash.
>
> 9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are
>
> run over by a steamroller.
>
> 10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
>
> 11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
>
> 12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a
>
> proctologist immediately before he examines you
>
> 13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish
>
> expressions.
>
> 14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
>
> 15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes
>
> up on the roof and gets stuck there.
>
> 16. Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.
>
>
>
> The Post also invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter
>
> it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new
>
> definition. Here are some of those winners:
>
> 1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
>
> realize it was your money to start with.
>
> 2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
>
> 3. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
>
> getting laid (e.g.: "I'm a doctor...")
>
> 4. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
>
> 5. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person
>
> who doesn't get it.
>
> 6. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
>
> 7. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
>
> 8. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (this one got extra credit)
>
> 9. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really
>
> bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a
>
> serious bummer.
>
> 10. Glibido: All talk and no action.
>
> 11. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they
>
> come at you rapidly
>
> 12. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.