Kalthanan
02-25-2003, 03:53 PM
Actual Exchanges Between Airline Pilots & Control Towers
The following are actual exchanges between airline pilots and control
towers from around the world:
While taxiing at London Gatwick, the crew of a US Air flight departing
for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a
United 767. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US
Air crew, screaming:"US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?
I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on
Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell
the difference between Cs and Ds, but get it right!" Continuing her
tirade to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting
hysterically: "God, you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to
sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to!
You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and
I
want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I
tell
you! You got that, US Air 2771?" "Yes ma'am," the humbled crew
responded. Naturally the ground control frequency went terribly silent
after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to engage the
irate ground controller in her current state. Tension in every cockpit
at LAW was running high. Then an unknown pilot broke the silence and
asked: "Wasn't I married to you once?"
A DC-10 had an exceedingly long rollout after landing with his approach
speed a little high. San Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right at
the end of the runway, if able. If not able, take the Guadalupe exit
off
Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."
Unknown aircraft: "I'm f...ing bored!" Air Traffic Control: "Last
aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!" Unknown
aircraft:
"I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way,
after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of
the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on
124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?" Continental 635:
"Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied
Eastern
and have already notified our caterers...."
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a
short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking
location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it
was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the
following
exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747,
call sign "Speedbird 206": Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206
clear of active runway." Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha
One-Seven." The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a
stop. Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location
now." Ground (with arrogant
impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944 but it was dark and I
didn't
stop."
O'Hare Approach Control: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker,
One o'clock, three miles, eastbound." United 239: "Approach, I've
always
wanted to say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight."
A PanAm 727 flight engineer waiting for start clearance in Munich
Overheard the following: Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our
start clearance time?" Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you
must speak English." Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a
German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?" Unknown voice
(in a beautiful British
accent): "Because you lost the bloody war!"
The following are actual exchanges between airline pilots and control
towers from around the world:
While taxiing at London Gatwick, the crew of a US Air flight departing
for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a
United 767. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US
Air crew, screaming:"US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?
I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on
Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell
the difference between Cs and Ds, but get it right!" Continuing her
tirade to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting
hysterically: "God, you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to
sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to!
You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and
I
want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I
tell
you! You got that, US Air 2771?" "Yes ma'am," the humbled crew
responded. Naturally the ground control frequency went terribly silent
after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to engage the
irate ground controller in her current state. Tension in every cockpit
at LAW was running high. Then an unknown pilot broke the silence and
asked: "Wasn't I married to you once?"
A DC-10 had an exceedingly long rollout after landing with his approach
speed a little high. San Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right at
the end of the runway, if able. If not able, take the Guadalupe exit
off
Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."
Unknown aircraft: "I'm f...ing bored!" Air Traffic Control: "Last
aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!" Unknown
aircraft:
"I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way,
after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of
the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on
124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?" Continental 635:
"Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied
Eastern
and have already notified our caterers...."
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a
short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking
location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it
was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the
following
exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747,
call sign "Speedbird 206": Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206
clear of active runway." Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha
One-Seven." The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a
stop. Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location
now." Ground (with arrogant
impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944 but it was dark and I
didn't
stop."
O'Hare Approach Control: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker,
One o'clock, three miles, eastbound." United 239: "Approach, I've
always
wanted to say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight."
A PanAm 727 flight engineer waiting for start clearance in Munich
Overheard the following: Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our
start clearance time?" Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you
must speak English." Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a
German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?" Unknown voice
(in a beautiful British
accent): "Because you lost the bloody war!"